Amen to those beautiful words by Max Lucado. My appointment this morning was one that brought that fear that I just had to try to starve with the words of my Father. I will say that my devotion last night was titled "life is Long Enough". Leading into Psam 139:16 "only God knows the number of my days...." let's just say I was even more curious of my news to come. However, through the past several months, one thing is certain- God used a megaphone approach to bring me literally on my knees to evaluate my life, my relationships, my calling for His life for me on earth. I do not know why, but I do know and feel grateful that he chose me for this to happen because I have never felt the yearning need of His arms like I have been. I will never be the same. I will never look at life the same ...life here on earth. More importantly, I know more than ever that this is definitely not our home and every life on earth is long enough-just as God created it to be. For, we all have the chance to live forever with Him someday and the music will be amaaaazzziiinnnggg!
Speaking of music, that is a huge part of my worship and time with the Lord and I love this quote...so true..."A few songs with Him might change the way you sing, forever"
As I said earlier, I know this happened for a reason and am grateful for the intimacy it has created with my savior. It is hard to create that yearning desire without the feeling of needing it. "Sometimes, God allows what He hates to accomplish what He loves"
So, MRI went fine. Dr Markert came in and went through his typical neurological exams and said my favorite words of the day "no change on the MRI"!!!! He said it has not grown. He does want copies of my neck MRI to ensure no fat deposits went down to irritate and cause any of the neck pain I am having, but he said "this is very good news you are getting" I think he always has to tell me he is giving me good news since I just stare at him mostly trying to think of other questions I had. The last thing I want is to leave with any concerns or unanswered questions. So, he will see me in a year, unless I have any new symptoms arise! Sounds good to me.
I must say that all I could think of was how absolutely blessed I was. We walked out staring in the eyes of many very sick people that clearly need prayers. Therefore, it is my prayer that you will continue your wonderful conversations with our amazing Father who chose to keep me safe for now, but clearly others are needing his peace and comfort. Much love to everyone that has called, texted or just smiled and said you are thinking about me. You will never know what it means to me, and I love you all!
I will leave you with 2 great songs to sing today,
"You are my Shield"
I will bless the Lord forever, and I will trust Him, at all times.
He has delivered me from all things, and He has set my feet upon a rock.
I will not be moved, and I'll say of the Lord:
You are my Shield, my Strength, my Portion, Deliverer, my Shelter,
Strong Tower, my very present help in time of need.
Room have I in heaven by You.
There's not a desire beside You.
"Sparrow" (Audrey Assad)
Why should I be lonely, long for heaven and home
When Jesus is my portion and a constant Friend I know
I sing because I'm happy, I sing because I'm free
For His eye is on the sparrow, His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He's watching me
Why should I be troubled when His tender word I hear
I rest on His goodness in my doubt and in my fear
I sing because I'm happy, I sing because I'm free
For His eye is on the arrow, His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He's watching me!
Thanks to my amazing Dad for driving me to Birmingham in less than a 24 hour period! He's not feeling so good himself, but a Father will do anything to take care of their children and mine is the greatest example of that, here on earth. I love you, dad!
Now, we are trying to make it back so I can walk Mickey Mouse around town to feed his sugar addiction. Toddles!
Monday, October 31, 2011
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Follow up details
This is a little late, but I wanted to post more details of the follow up visit to UAB. I went to the Neuro-ophthalmologist first. He basically said it was "an absolutely normal exam". I felt great after leaving there. The tech was making fun of me, since apparently I don't know how to "keep my eyes open when putting drops in my eyes". She said I was not setting a good example for my son, so she was glad he left the room. :) By the way, I have an angel of a child. He went with me to both appointments. We had to leave mamaw's house at 7am and didn't get finished until after 2. Angel. He only got fussy when he couldn't go in with me to the neurosurgeon's office visit. He was hungry by then, so mom took him to eat and voila. He truly is precious. Thank you, sweet Kade for coming with mommy. Thank you, mom, for coming with me and watching my baby! Thank you, Laura, for coming with me and then hanging out with me since my hubs couldn't come. I love you all!
So, I started the day with a blood pressure of about 100/70 and when I went to the NS appointment, it had suddenly risen to 150/80ish! say what? Of course, I argued that something was wrong with her machine. My body does something crazy when I see that brain doc.
Basically, I had out my 4 pages of question, I had one of my best friends (Laura) sitting as my scribe and my dad in the room. He answered everything and it just seems that we are going by symptoms at this point. And, from what I took from the conversation, a headache doesn't count for doing surgery (yeah)....since I have had headaches before. Even though they have become more frequent. He won't do surgery (thankfully) unless I have seizures or meningitis or vision problems, blackouts....those kind of symptoms. Praise the Lord that I am not having any of those, and he does not expect me to start having any. Basically, he said this:
1. Dermoids are very rare in the brain
2. Ruptured dermoids are extremely rare in the brain
3. I didn't have any of those symptoms the first time it ruptured (I give credit to the steroids Gio put me on in the ER so quickly so I really don't want to find out if it happens again)
4. Basically, the best thing for me to do is to try and forget about it
So, I don't have any limitations at this point...physically, medication-wise, nothing. I mean, I'm not really going to start taking gymnastics again or anything but - I could if I wanted to. Is it still weird to me? Yes. Do I feel at peace? Yes. What I do wish is that I would STOP getting STREP THROAT!!! As I write this, I have it for the 5th time now in 7 months. I mean, seriously? However, I have so very much to be grateful for at this moment.
I have been having a lot of headaches, so I started back on Topomax as a preventative and I will go see an Interventional Pain Management doc to see if there are any break through medications for when I get an acute headache, but I really do well on Topomax. My only real side effect is that I lose my love for carbonated beverages. That is not necessarily bad. So, I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all of the countless prayers. I hope that you continue to pray for complete healing and mostly the peace that is absolutely happening. I do have to go back for a scan and to see the neurosurgeon again on Halloween...(not sure how I feel about that day really) After that, I just go back annually and then maybe even every 1-2 years, depending. We shall see. He does feel confident that it is benign; however, he can't say 100%, of course, without taking out a piece...but the repeated scans will pretty much confirm by showing if and how it grows, etc. So, let's keep praying they got that diagnosis 100% correct, okee dokee? Thanks.
Special K Update
K started back to school this week and I love his teachers! Even though he is not in the class with all of his best buds from last year (except for a few), he seems very happy. I felt extremely happy after the Parent's night when I truly saw how passionate the teachers were about the kids. Thank you, Jesus, for watching over my child.
Now, prayer warriors, I ask that you pray specifically for a sweet couple that went to high school with me - Hayden and Kenny - their son, Tyler, was hit by a car and is in Children's Hospital. He is improving but please pray for complete healing and emotional healing as well for everyone.
So, I started the day with a blood pressure of about 100/70 and when I went to the NS appointment, it had suddenly risen to 150/80ish! say what? Of course, I argued that something was wrong with her machine. My body does something crazy when I see that brain doc.
Basically, I had out my 4 pages of question, I had one of my best friends (Laura) sitting as my scribe and my dad in the room. He answered everything and it just seems that we are going by symptoms at this point. And, from what I took from the conversation, a headache doesn't count for doing surgery (yeah)....since I have had headaches before. Even though they have become more frequent. He won't do surgery (thankfully) unless I have seizures or meningitis or vision problems, blackouts....those kind of symptoms. Praise the Lord that I am not having any of those, and he does not expect me to start having any. Basically, he said this:
1. Dermoids are very rare in the brain
2. Ruptured dermoids are extremely rare in the brain
3. I didn't have any of those symptoms the first time it ruptured (I give credit to the steroids Gio put me on in the ER so quickly so I really don't want to find out if it happens again)
4. Basically, the best thing for me to do is to try and forget about it
So, I don't have any limitations at this point...physically, medication-wise, nothing. I mean, I'm not really going to start taking gymnastics again or anything but - I could if I wanted to. Is it still weird to me? Yes. Do I feel at peace? Yes. What I do wish is that I would STOP getting STREP THROAT!!! As I write this, I have it for the 5th time now in 7 months. I mean, seriously? However, I have so very much to be grateful for at this moment.
I have been having a lot of headaches, so I started back on Topomax as a preventative and I will go see an Interventional Pain Management doc to see if there are any break through medications for when I get an acute headache, but I really do well on Topomax. My only real side effect is that I lose my love for carbonated beverages. That is not necessarily bad. So, I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all of the countless prayers. I hope that you continue to pray for complete healing and mostly the peace that is absolutely happening. I do have to go back for a scan and to see the neurosurgeon again on Halloween...(not sure how I feel about that day really) After that, I just go back annually and then maybe even every 1-2 years, depending. We shall see. He does feel confident that it is benign; however, he can't say 100%, of course, without taking out a piece...but the repeated scans will pretty much confirm by showing if and how it grows, etc. So, let's keep praying they got that diagnosis 100% correct, okee dokee? Thanks.
Special K Update
K started back to school this week and I love his teachers! Even though he is not in the class with all of his best buds from last year (except for a few), he seems very happy. I felt extremely happy after the Parent's night when I truly saw how passionate the teachers were about the kids. Thank you, Jesus, for watching over my child.
Now, prayer warriors, I ask that you pray specifically for a sweet couple that went to high school with me - Hayden and Kenny - their son, Tyler, was hit by a car and is in Children's Hospital. He is improving but please pray for complete healing and emotional healing as well for everyone.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Weekend Getaway to....Downtown Pensacola!
Well, hubs and I will be staying at Courtyard Marriott this weekend downtown. I won a free night and we decided it was time for a weekend away. Bags are packed and I am waiting for Kev to come back from dropping Kade off at Mimi's house. We have zero plans which is nice.
Everything has been going great. I feel pretty good. I have been having headaches, so I started back on Topomax to see if i can prevent them. I hate taking too much tylenol and that was all i was allowed to take. Next wednesday is my UAB day, and I can't wait. Mainly, because my best friend is driving ALL the way from Austin to be with ME!!!! I love Laura Brown Sykes. I also hope to see some other great friends. My other bestie, Carin, may be in town too! So, let's pray Miss Scarlet behaves and remains intact.
Kade is growing so fast. I need to start posting some videos. He cracks me up. Diego is his new obsession. He loves to sing and dance Diego songs. Does that surprise anyone?
Congratulations to Allison! She is having another little girl! WE can't wait to celebrate Madeline's birthday with you!. Looking forward to double the precious little girl blog postings from Ally.
I will fill you all in on my weekend getaway with the hubs. Chill should be the only thing to report.
Everything has been going great. I feel pretty good. I have been having headaches, so I started back on Topomax to see if i can prevent them. I hate taking too much tylenol and that was all i was allowed to take. Next wednesday is my UAB day, and I can't wait. Mainly, because my best friend is driving ALL the way from Austin to be with ME!!!! I love Laura Brown Sykes. I also hope to see some other great friends. My other bestie, Carin, may be in town too! So, let's pray Miss Scarlet behaves and remains intact.
Kade is growing so fast. I need to start posting some videos. He cracks me up. Diego is his new obsession. He loves to sing and dance Diego songs. Does that surprise anyone?
Congratulations to Allison! She is having another little girl! WE can't wait to celebrate Madeline's birthday with you!. Looking forward to double the precious little girl blog postings from Ally.
I will fill you all in on my weekend getaway with the hubs. Chill should be the only thing to report.
Monday, July 25, 2011
SSQ girls weekend!
This past weekend was fantabulous. Darcy, Jenn and Tiff came in to Pensacola Beach for a girls weekend. We have not had one in quite a while, and it was wonderful to see them. Many fun memories were made. The only problem was that it was way too short. I had never been to Grand Marlin and we loved the food. I had heard mixed reviews, but everything we had was flawless. We went to Margaritaville the first night and it was good too. Besides the dining out, we mostly hung by the pool and in the lazy river. There's nothing like sweet girl time. I will try to post some photos.
Medical update: I have been feeling fine. I do get headaches, but I am thinking they are just my usual headaches...not even sure if it's related. I do get occasional "pressure" headaches that worry me a little, but I have to say that my anxiety is getting much less frequent. I still go back on the 10th and am anticipating good news: no surgery. Thanks to all for your continued prayers.
My sweet Kade is doing good. He goes back to daycare the week after my trip to Birmingham. I am not looking forward to that transition. Especially, since I found out he is not in the class with his favorite buddies Jordan or Colton. Woof. Rough times ahead.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Miss Scarlet - Dermoids aren't cool
I wanted to write out my story to make it easier to share with others. Plus, there just might be someone else out there going through the same thing. One June 30, my life really did change. I was in a car accident, where a man ran a light and hit me on the left front side of my car. It totalled my vehicle. I hit my heat hard and developed a headache while the cop was writing out the report. I asked the cop if I should go to the ER and he encouraged me to go. He said that it would probably just get worse, and it was best to get it checked. Thank the Lord for that cop and my husband, who wouldn't let me go home anyway. Kevin said that I was talking like I was "a little out of it". I felt like I was just shaken up from the wreck.
I got to the ER, and I passed the neurological exam. However, the doc ordered a CT to see what medicine he may give me for the headache. About an hour later, things changed. I should have known something was up when the tech made me ride in a wheelchair back from the scan, as opposed to walking up there. The ER doc came in and said that there was no bleeding or anything, but they did find that I had a dermoid tumor. Apparently, I have had this since birth. These account for about .3% of all brain tumors and are benign. They occur during development. Even more rare, the tumor had ruptured. He said he consulted Dr. Gio, the neurosurgeon on call. When he walked out of the room, I texted Dr. Gio immediately. He called me right then. He explained that a dermoid was not really anything to freak out about, but he was baffled by the rupture. He had not seen that before. He told me not to panic, but he did want to do a full workup with MRI, etc. He said he was also going to contact someone at UAB. He said that I had all of them googling (how fun that made me feel). He said that it was probable that I could develop chemical meningitis. Therefore, he started me on the steroids right then. He also admitted me into the hospital.
Early the next morning, he came in and sat down beside me. This was a moment I won't forget. Just the unknown was horrifying. He said he was just going to send me to UAB right then, by ambulance (to be safe). He wanted a team looking at me. He just wasn't sure what to do, and he didn't feel comfortable keeping me here. I love a surgeon that admits when a situation is out of their comfort zone. He said that when it ruptured, it went "everywhere". He talked a little about a craniotomy as a possibility, and he said if it was an option, he would opt for the procedure. Wow. I am not sure what kind of response this is, but both times he broke news to me, my body started shaking uncontrollably like I was absolutely freezing. Not sure if that has ever happened to anyone. He said it was normal and that I was just scared. I asked him if I was going to die and he said "No". Then he paused, and said "well, Tara everyone eventually dies". I laughed and asked "but, not from this?" and he said "no". Those words still help me today. I asked him kindly to fill my veins with something to relax me at that point. I got on the phone and tried to let as many people know as possibly, so that a million prayers were going up to heaven. I wanted God to hear this one loud and clear. Boy, did he ever. Besides the ativan, I truly felt a peace knowing that I was going to be in great hands and God was definitely going to use this...God was going to use me. That, indeed, is special. He allowed this to happen, and I know that it will only be for His good.
The ambulance ride seemed like 5 minutes for me. Apparently, I talked to several people and barely even remember those moments. When I got to UAB, a dear family friend, Joyce Cox, was there to check on me. I couldn't believe it. I had not seen her in forever. I was thinking she was there to visit someone else. The visitors and blessings didn't stop there. 2 of my best friends in the world came to see me, Carin and Darcy. Darcy - with a fabulous fuzzy blanket that I have literally spread all on me right at this moment. Carin's sweet children sent me precious cards. Another dear friend, Meda, came to visit and it was a joy to see her since she moved away from Pensacola. My cousins, Stephen and Kevin and Allison, all came and made me laugh nonstop. Many more came and I truly appreciate it. Familiar, loving faces can turn one of your worst days around. I can't say enough about my family. My loving husband was right by my side the entire way. He was giving detailed updates to all of my loving friends and family that called to check on me. He was taking in everything the doctor told us, and he made me love him only more than ever. Parents and n-laws were also right beside us. Thank the Lord my precious Kade was able to be with me most of the time.
Back to the medical update...I seemed to be doing fine in the hospital. The surgeon said that I passed all his little tests they gave me every time they saw me. He said that if I was not developing symptoms, he would not do surgery. He said that it could just be left alone? He wanted to see me in 2 weeks, which is now August 10th. He wanted me to be seen by the neuro-ophthalmologist the same day. It is sitting behind my right eye. The NS did say that if he does have to perform surgery, it is in a good spot. It is sitting between 2 lobes (I think the frontal and temporal) and up against the skull. Miss Scarlet (since she lives in Tara) has made herself a cozy little spot. Apparently, she wanted to go on a little diet and distributed tiny pieces of fat throughout my brain. Signs I am to look for are meningitis-type symptoms or seizures or vision problems. As you can imagine, I am very nervous until I go back. However, Dr. Merkert was so very reassuring before I left. He also seemed like it was a strong possibility that everything would just be fine the way it is. Now, I don't know about you, but it's actually a little hard for me to be 100% comfortable with that news. I am praying for peace and assurance every day.
I have finally started The Purpose Driven Life, and I am loving it. Why didn't I go through this book sooner? God literally knocked me on my knees with all of this. I can remember one of my first mornings back at home when I woke up very early. It was very hard to just lay there, since my mind would go to worries. I turned on the christian music station on TV and just tried to fill my thoughts with peace and comfort. One of the songs that came on was The Voice of Truth by Casting Crowns. That was the one I needed. My sweet Kade came and laid down with me and we both just listened to the songs. Every one that played were beautiful music/words to my ears. I love how the Lord works. I still have that song on my phone to play during a "worry moment". Another one that has carried me through is Blessings by Laura Story. If you have never heard those 2 songs, download them immediately. I have them on my playlist on this page as well. Meditate on the words.
Thank you to everyone who continues to pray for me daily. I feel it. I will leave you with the verse that I have had to repeat more times than I can count. I have it written in my phone and at work and it has definitely been a comfort.
Psalm 91:14-16
(The Message)
"If you'll hold on to me for dear life," says God, "I'll get you out of any trouble. I'll give you the best of care if you'll only get to know and trust me. Call me and I'll answer, be at your side in bad times; I'll rescue you, then throw you a party. I'll give you a long life, give you a long drink of salvation"
-If those words aren't beautiful, I don't know what is.
I got to the ER, and I passed the neurological exam. However, the doc ordered a CT to see what medicine he may give me for the headache. About an hour later, things changed. I should have known something was up when the tech made me ride in a wheelchair back from the scan, as opposed to walking up there. The ER doc came in and said that there was no bleeding or anything, but they did find that I had a dermoid tumor. Apparently, I have had this since birth. These account for about .3% of all brain tumors and are benign. They occur during development. Even more rare, the tumor had ruptured. He said he consulted Dr. Gio, the neurosurgeon on call. When he walked out of the room, I texted Dr. Gio immediately. He called me right then. He explained that a dermoid was not really anything to freak out about, but he was baffled by the rupture. He had not seen that before. He told me not to panic, but he did want to do a full workup with MRI, etc. He said he was also going to contact someone at UAB. He said that I had all of them googling (how fun that made me feel). He said that it was probable that I could develop chemical meningitis. Therefore, he started me on the steroids right then. He also admitted me into the hospital.
Early the next morning, he came in and sat down beside me. This was a moment I won't forget. Just the unknown was horrifying. He said he was just going to send me to UAB right then, by ambulance (to be safe). He wanted a team looking at me. He just wasn't sure what to do, and he didn't feel comfortable keeping me here. I love a surgeon that admits when a situation is out of their comfort zone. He said that when it ruptured, it went "everywhere". He talked a little about a craniotomy as a possibility, and he said if it was an option, he would opt for the procedure. Wow. I am not sure what kind of response this is, but both times he broke news to me, my body started shaking uncontrollably like I was absolutely freezing. Not sure if that has ever happened to anyone. He said it was normal and that I was just scared. I asked him if I was going to die and he said "No". Then he paused, and said "well, Tara everyone eventually dies". I laughed and asked "but, not from this?" and he said "no". Those words still help me today. I asked him kindly to fill my veins with something to relax me at that point. I got on the phone and tried to let as many people know as possibly, so that a million prayers were going up to heaven. I wanted God to hear this one loud and clear. Boy, did he ever. Besides the ativan, I truly felt a peace knowing that I was going to be in great hands and God was definitely going to use this...God was going to use me. That, indeed, is special. He allowed this to happen, and I know that it will only be for His good.
The ambulance ride seemed like 5 minutes for me. Apparently, I talked to several people and barely even remember those moments. When I got to UAB, a dear family friend, Joyce Cox, was there to check on me. I couldn't believe it. I had not seen her in forever. I was thinking she was there to visit someone else. The visitors and blessings didn't stop there. 2 of my best friends in the world came to see me, Carin and Darcy. Darcy - with a fabulous fuzzy blanket that I have literally spread all on me right at this moment. Carin's sweet children sent me precious cards. Another dear friend, Meda, came to visit and it was a joy to see her since she moved away from Pensacola. My cousins, Stephen and Kevin and Allison, all came and made me laugh nonstop. Many more came and I truly appreciate it. Familiar, loving faces can turn one of your worst days around. I can't say enough about my family. My loving husband was right by my side the entire way. He was giving detailed updates to all of my loving friends and family that called to check on me. He was taking in everything the doctor told us, and he made me love him only more than ever. Parents and n-laws were also right beside us. Thank the Lord my precious Kade was able to be with me most of the time.
Back to the medical update...I seemed to be doing fine in the hospital. The surgeon said that I passed all his little tests they gave me every time they saw me. He said that if I was not developing symptoms, he would not do surgery. He said that it could just be left alone? He wanted to see me in 2 weeks, which is now August 10th. He wanted me to be seen by the neuro-ophthalmologist the same day. It is sitting behind my right eye. The NS did say that if he does have to perform surgery, it is in a good spot. It is sitting between 2 lobes (I think the frontal and temporal) and up against the skull. Miss Scarlet (since she lives in Tara) has made herself a cozy little spot. Apparently, she wanted to go on a little diet and distributed tiny pieces of fat throughout my brain. Signs I am to look for are meningitis-type symptoms or seizures or vision problems. As you can imagine, I am very nervous until I go back. However, Dr. Merkert was so very reassuring before I left. He also seemed like it was a strong possibility that everything would just be fine the way it is. Now, I don't know about you, but it's actually a little hard for me to be 100% comfortable with that news. I am praying for peace and assurance every day.
I have finally started The Purpose Driven Life, and I am loving it. Why didn't I go through this book sooner? God literally knocked me on my knees with all of this. I can remember one of my first mornings back at home when I woke up very early. It was very hard to just lay there, since my mind would go to worries. I turned on the christian music station on TV and just tried to fill my thoughts with peace and comfort. One of the songs that came on was The Voice of Truth by Casting Crowns. That was the one I needed. My sweet Kade came and laid down with me and we both just listened to the songs. Every one that played were beautiful music/words to my ears. I love how the Lord works. I still have that song on my phone to play during a "worry moment". Another one that has carried me through is Blessings by Laura Story. If you have never heard those 2 songs, download them immediately. I have them on my playlist on this page as well. Meditate on the words.
Thank you to everyone who continues to pray for me daily. I feel it. I will leave you with the verse that I have had to repeat more times than I can count. I have it written in my phone and at work and it has definitely been a comfort.
Psalm 91:14-16
(The Message)
"If you'll hold on to me for dear life," says God, "I'll get you out of any trouble. I'll give you the best of care if you'll only get to know and trust me. Call me and I'll answer, be at your side in bad times; I'll rescue you, then throw you a party. I'll give you a long life, give you a long drink of salvation"
-If those words aren't beautiful, I don't know what is.
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