I wanted to write out my story to make it easier to share with others. Plus, there just might be someone else out there going through the same thing. One June 30, my life really did change. I was in a car accident, where a man ran a light and hit me on the left front side of my car. It totalled my vehicle. I hit my heat hard and developed a headache while the cop was writing out the report. I asked the cop if I should go to the ER and he encouraged me to go. He said that it would probably just get worse, and it was best to get it checked. Thank the Lord for that cop and my husband, who wouldn't let me go home anyway. Kevin said that I was talking like I was "a little out of it". I felt like I was just shaken up from the wreck.
I got to the ER, and I passed the neurological exam. However, the doc ordered a CT to see what medicine he may give me for the headache. About an hour later, things changed. I should have known something was up when the tech made me ride in a wheelchair back from the scan, as opposed to walking up there. The ER doc came in and said that there was no bleeding or anything, but they did find that I had a dermoid tumor. Apparently, I have had this since birth. These account for about .3% of all brain tumors and are benign. They occur during development. Even more rare, the tumor had ruptured. He said he consulted Dr. Gio, the neurosurgeon on call. When he walked out of the room, I texted Dr. Gio immediately. He called me right then. He explained that a dermoid was not really anything to freak out about, but he was baffled by the rupture. He had not seen that before. He told me not to panic, but he did want to do a full workup with MRI, etc. He said he was also going to contact someone at UAB. He said that I had all of them googling (how fun that made me feel). He said that it was probable that I could develop chemical meningitis. Therefore, he started me on the steroids right then. He also admitted me into the hospital.
Early the next morning, he came in and sat down beside me. This was a moment I won't forget. Just the unknown was horrifying. He said he was just going to send me to UAB right then, by ambulance (to be safe). He wanted a team looking at me. He just wasn't sure what to do, and he didn't feel comfortable keeping me here. I love a surgeon that admits when a situation is out of their comfort zone. He said that when it ruptured, it went "everywhere". He talked a little about a craniotomy as a possibility, and he said if it was an option, he would opt for the procedure. Wow. I am not sure what kind of response this is, but both times he broke news to me, my body started shaking uncontrollably like I was absolutely freezing. Not sure if that has ever happened to anyone. He said it was normal and that I was just scared. I asked him if I was going to die and he said "No". Then he paused, and said "well, Tara everyone eventually dies". I laughed and asked "but, not from this?" and he said "no". Those words still help me today. I asked him kindly to fill my veins with something to relax me at that point. I got on the phone and tried to let as many people know as possibly, so that a million prayers were going up to heaven. I wanted God to hear this one loud and clear. Boy, did he ever. Besides the ativan, I truly felt a peace knowing that I was going to be in great hands and God was definitely going to use this...God was going to use me. That, indeed, is special. He allowed this to happen, and I know that it will only be for His good.
The ambulance ride seemed like 5 minutes for me. Apparently, I talked to several people and barely even remember those moments. When I got to UAB, a dear family friend, Joyce Cox, was there to check on me. I couldn't believe it. I had not seen her in forever. I was thinking she was there to visit someone else. The visitors and blessings didn't stop there. 2 of my best friends in the world came to see me, Carin and Darcy. Darcy - with a fabulous fuzzy blanket that I have literally spread all on me right at this moment. Carin's sweet children sent me precious cards. Another dear friend, Meda, came to visit and it was a joy to see her since she moved away from Pensacola. My cousins, Stephen and Kevin and Allison, all came and made me laugh nonstop. Many more came and I truly appreciate it. Familiar, loving faces can turn one of your worst days around. I can't say enough about my family. My loving husband was right by my side the entire way. He was giving detailed updates to all of my loving friends and family that called to check on me. He was taking in everything the doctor told us, and he made me love him only more than ever. Parents and n-laws were also right beside us. Thank the Lord my precious Kade was able to be with me most of the time.
Back to the medical update...I seemed to be doing fine in the hospital. The surgeon said that I passed all his little tests they gave me every time they saw me. He said that if I was not developing symptoms, he would not do surgery. He said that it could just be left alone? He wanted to see me in 2 weeks, which is now August 10th. He wanted me to be seen by the neuro-ophthalmologist the same day. It is sitting behind my right eye. The NS did say that if he does have to perform surgery, it is in a good spot. It is sitting between 2 lobes (I think the frontal and temporal) and up against the skull. Miss Scarlet (since she lives in Tara) has made herself a cozy little spot. Apparently, she wanted to go on a little diet and distributed tiny pieces of fat throughout my brain. Signs I am to look for are meningitis-type symptoms or seizures or vision problems. As you can imagine, I am very nervous until I go back. However, Dr. Merkert was so very reassuring before I left. He also seemed like it was a strong possibility that everything would just be fine the way it is. Now, I don't know about you, but it's actually a little hard for me to be 100% comfortable with that news. I am praying for peace and assurance every day.
I have finally started The Purpose Driven Life, and I am loving it. Why didn't I go through this book sooner? God literally knocked me on my knees with all of this. I can remember one of my first mornings back at home when I woke up very early. It was very hard to just lay there, since my mind would go to worries. I turned on the christian music station on TV and just tried to fill my thoughts with peace and comfort. One of the songs that came on was The Voice of Truth by Casting Crowns. That was the one I needed. My sweet Kade came and laid down with me and we both just listened to the songs. Every one that played were beautiful music/words to my ears. I love how the Lord works. I still have that song on my phone to play during a "worry moment". Another one that has carried me through is Blessings by Laura Story. If you have never heard those 2 songs, download them immediately. I have them on my playlist on this page as well. Meditate on the words.
Thank you to everyone who continues to pray for me daily. I feel it. I will leave you with the verse that I have had to repeat more times than I can count. I have it written in my phone and at work and it has definitely been a comfort.
Psalm 91:14-16
(The Message)
"If you'll hold on to me for dear life," says God, "I'll get you out of any trouble. I'll give you the best of care if you'll only get to know and trust me. Call me and I'll answer, be at your side in bad times; I'll rescue you, then throw you a party. I'll give you a long life, give you a long drink of salvation"
-If those words aren't beautiful, I don't know what is.
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